Let's just go ahead and nuke the damn Islamists off of the planet...

By R.J. Godlewski

© June 20, 2007, All Rights Reserved

 

 

 

            Drastic times call for drastic measures. Some more drastic than others, I suppose, but none would solve the Middle East’s problems better than a healthy dose of neutron bombs flung out across the land. The merit of this plan is that it keeps those precious oilfields intact while ridding the world of those pesky, AK-47 toting radicals who want to subterfuge our way of life. Our high-intensity fission carpet-bombing would further solve the IED problem; there wouldn’t be any hostiles left to initiate the explosives. Yes, in a matter of hours, we could ‘silence’ all troubles of the region ranging from Somalia to Syria and from Sudan to Pakistan. True, the rest of the Islamic world will bitch like hell, but not openly while our trigger finger still has the itch. I suspect that they will have far too many funerals to attend to anyway than to spend what precious time they have left worrying about whether we’re siphoning their precious oil or not. After all, the petroleum reserves don’t seem to be doing them a whole damn bit of good at the present.

            There’s historical precedence for my plan. We nuked Japan and today that nation builds the best automobiles, the finest electronics, and is one of the world’s most peaceful and prosperous family-oriented democracies around. Hell, they’re so averse to war today that they won’t even fess up to their starting the Second World War. A glowing Islam could be a growing Islam; worth the expense of a few hundred neutron bombs. It would further solve our global warming and population problems – less population, less people with piss poor carbon foot prints. Last, but definitely not least, is the pièce de résistance: we would have brought our troops home long before the sands of Arabia started to swirl into towering mushroom clouds.

            Now that I’ve convinced you that I’m stark raving mad, perhaps you will consider that other plans for peace within the Middle East are just as ridiculous, no matter how beneficial they may look on paper. At least my idea has the honesty of solving the problem by eliminating the Middle East region altogether. Too often, today, we try to fix problems with temporary solutions. We try to shove democracy down the throats of people who completely lack the concept of earning it. We try to embrace the religion of others who desire to behead us in turn. We question our methods of justice while eternally praising theirs. None of this bodes well for our future, humanity, or even of the present. In short, we try out ridiculous plans pieced together by those whose diplomatic skills were honed in university debate classes instead of through primal conflict.

            The people of the Middle East have rarely – if ever – been pacified through negotiation or alliance. Their entire culture is based upon a simple choice – conquer or be conquered. Even Mohammed himself didn’t spread his religion by “turning the other cheek”, it spread through his sword. Perhaps his treatment of the people is just the way they need to be treated. We’ve been spoiled, in a way, by our intimate experience with Christianity. It flourished in regions that were already republics founded on the principle of justice and later where monarchies established the absolute power of “one ruler”. Is it any wonder then that the Christian Church emerged victorious within the seat of Rome itself? The horrors of the emperors were extreme, to be sure, but their subjects were well versed on the matter of order and discipline.

            Islam, on the contrary, has always been a stone house built on a sandbar. It spread when it had leaders. It gave the world science, art, and technology when it was controlled by effective and honest management. Today, however, the Muslim faith is a ship without a captain and the only aspirants for the position are bloodthirsty pirates hell-bent on looting her stores. Our actions in Afghanistan and Iraq amounted to a shot across their bow but their ‘crew’ was asleep below. As no signal is understood if it is not witnessed, we need to send another shot into their hull, to alter the course of the vessel Islam. And I know just where this shot should be fired towards. Tehran.

            Regardless of the atrocities committed by Osama Bin Laden and his henchmen, Islam’s problems go way back to the tribal roots of its adherents. That is, the instability of the Muslim faith is a direct result of those charged with its care. Meanwhile, the present leaders of Iran sit drooling on the shore like some disingenuous salvors, ready to tow the wreck into their harbor at an exorbitant salvage fee. If we, in the West, permit greater Islam to accept this arrangement, then we will have little recourse with which to navigate the waters of the world in peace and safety.

            There is, fortunately, another way to save Islam. It may be a bit more costly in the near term, but much more palatable in the long run. We can use the convoy system that worked so well in defeating Nazi U-boats during the Second World War. Overwhelming technology did not work then, but overwhelming cooperation did. We, the nations of the West, can finally band together – one and all – and lay waste to those regimes that pervert and enslave. We can send a quiet message of appeasement or we can send another “shot heard around the world” across Radical Islam’s bow. We can say “Enough is enough! It’s time to settle matters once and for all!”

            The radical Islamists who dream of a bygone era when religion could take the place of freedom and human dignity are in no position to challenge us indefinitely. Neither are their tyrannical state supporters. Their only hope is to catch us napping or perhaps preoccupied with some other introverted ‘cause’. Yet as mosquitoes rarely pester us when they’re smashed, this is what we need to do with the tyrants of the world – collectively. We can prefer a pound of prevention today over a ton of cure later. Isolation is no longer an option in today’s world of ‘speed of light’ communications. Nor can we presume that globalization is a disease; it is a growing appendage of the collective human form and must therefore be safeguarded no matter how ungainly it looks in a mirror.

            This reality is detested angrily by liberal activists who sing out like sirens trying to lure us onto the rocks of pluralism. We should know better. We should always understand that there is only one navigable route to take when transiting hostile waters. Like the environmentalists of the 1990’s who prevented us from “unnaturally” burning out the undergrowth of our great forests, Islamo-nymphs today are setting us up for another round of fires that will be far harder to quench.  Drastic times do, indeed, call for drastic measures, but just think of the alternative. What’s considered drastic today may seem rather tame from the perspective of the future.